omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
