Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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