shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
My hand turned me down
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
