you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
