We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
She bit a glass in half.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
