We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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