capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
