My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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