it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Is it penis luge time yet?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
My vagina is officially offended.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
