so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
