he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
