Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
