Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I cut my penus on the lid.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
