last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
