Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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