my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
