I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
