allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
