when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
