i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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