I think i peed on brittanys purse
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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