dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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