k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
