It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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