honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
