do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
