So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
