She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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