I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
