Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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