yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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