Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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