I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
