K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Randomize
