I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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