we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
