As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
