I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
