? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
