Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
