He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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