I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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