you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
