i can't believe i had my finger in that
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
