Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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