That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
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