I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
