i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
The best revenge is premature balding
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
