I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
She's the barista slut.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
