You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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