There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
